Tamlin (ACOTAR): Villain, Victim, or Misunderstood High Lord?

⚠ This article contains spoilers for the A Court of Thorns and Roses Series  

A bit of background

To analyse his behaviour, I’ll be referencing a domestic abuse framework that identifies common patterns of coercive control. This is not a diagnostic tool, but a way of understanding behavioural patterns in relationships. 

Throughout the series, Tamlin displays several behaviours that closely resemble recognised patterns of coercive control described in domestic abuse literature. I’m not giving him a clinical assessment, this is just my analysis of his relationship with Feyre using a recognised framework for understanding patterns of coercive control. 

Pattern 1: Intimidation 

“Uses intimidation to control us, eg glares, shouts, smashes things, sulks”

The cracks appear early on, when Feyre begins spending time with Lucian, Tamlin does not take this well. 

 “Whatever tentative truce we built that afternoon vanished at the dinner table. Tamlin was lounging in his usual seat, a long claw out and circling his goblet. It paused on the lip as soon as I entered, Lucien on my heels. His green eyes pinned me to the spot. Right. I’d brushed him off that morning, claiming I wanted to be alone. Tamlin slowly looked at Lucien, whose face had turned grave. “We went on a hunt,” Lucien said. “I heard,” Tamlin said roughly, glancing between us as we took our seats. “And did you have fun?” Slowly, his claw sank back into his flesh. Lucien didn’t answer, leaving it to me. Coward.

He uses intimidation to control and acts jealous.There is very little emotional control. I’d also like to point out that these behaviours have nothing to do with love and don’t belong in healthy relationships. 

“A feral growl rippled out of him. “They hunted down and butchered those humans for sport,” I went on. “You might be willing to get on your knees for Hybern, but I certainly am not.” He exploded. Furniture splintered and went flying, windows cracked and shattered. And this time, I did not shield myself. The worktable slammed into me, throwing me against the bookshelf, and every place where flesh and bone met wood barked and ached. My knees slammed into the carpeted floor, and Tamlin was instantly in front of me, hands shaking”

This may be the most obvious example of Tamlin’s inability to regulate his anger, he becomes physically dangerous. Whether he intended to hurt Feyre or not, she is injured because of his actions, and intent doesn’t erase harm.

Pattern 2: Control 

Controls us by treating us as second class citizens, eg treats us as a servant/slave, says women are for sex, cooking, and housework.

In ACOMF, his behaviour has escalated, there are multiple examples of him enforcing his control over Feyre and it’s obvious even to people on the outside. 

“He doesn’t inform me of those things.” “Perhaps it’s time he did. Perhaps it’s time you insisted.”

“Tamlin won’t allow it.” “Tamlin isn’t your keeper, and you know it.” 

“Training would draw too much attention”

“Tamlin’s lips thinned. “Because you undermine the laws of this court when you behave like that. Because this is how things are done here, and when you hand that gluttonous faerie the money she needs, it makes me—it makes this entire court—look weak.”

Tamlin uses control to keep Feyre ignorant of everything and doesn’t give her a choice in anything, in that last example he is laying out the law and there is no room for compromise. 

Pattern 3: Isolation 

Isolates us, eg stops us from working and seeing friends, tells us what to wear, keeps us in the house, seduces our friends/family

During ACOMAF his controlling behavior has escalated to extreme levels. Keeping Feyre locked up to keep her “safe” even when she begs for more freedom. While I understand people defend this as a trauma response, it still doesn’t make it ok. 

 He hissed, “You have no idea how hard it is for him to even let you off the estate grounds. He’s under more pressure than you realize.” “I know exactly how much pressure he endures. And I didn’t realize I’d become a prisoner.”

 But you … Tamlin … ” The walls pushed in on me. The quiet, the guards, the stares. What I’d seen at the Tithe today. “I’m drowning,” I managed to say. “I am drowning. And the more you do this, the more guards … You might as well be shoving my head under the water.”

Feyre is literally begging him and screaming her needs at him and he is too lost in his own pain to acknowledge hers.  Trauma can explain why someone behaves the way they do, but it doesn’t remove responsibility for the harm they cause. 

Shifting Responsibility 

During ACOTAR there is also an instance of victim blaming

 “She seems to have a death wish,” he went on, cutting his meat. The claws stayed retracted but pushed against the skin above his knuckles. My throat closed up. Oh, he was mad—furious at my foolishness for leaving my room—but somehow managed to keep his anger on a tight, tight leash. “So, if Feyre can’t be bothered to listen to orders, then I can’t be held accountable for the consequences.” “Accountable?” I sputtered, placing my hands flat on the table. “You cornered me in the hall like a wolf with a rabbit!”

This scene made me pretty uncomfortable. He’s inferring that because she left her room that night, she was asking for it, then placates her late by giving her gifts.

“We apologized at dinner. He even brought me a bouquet of white roses from his parents’ garden”

The other thing I find interesting with this scene is the line “but somehow managed to keep his anger on a tight, tight leash” so he can keep control of his temper, but only when it suits him?

His Perspective

The recurring theme I’ve seen from Tamlin defenders is that we need his perspective. While it’s true, another point of view might deepen our understanding of his trauma. I’m not convinced it would fundamentally change my reading of his behaviour. Sure we could call Feyre an unreliable narrator, but what about everyone else? Lucian also observes Tamlin’s behaviour, even defends him, his servants see it too. So the question becomes,  if his behaviour is the same from people observing outside of the relationship, do we actually need his perspective?  The last example I’d like to leave is this: 

“And like I’d gambled, Tamlin’s need for control, for strength, won out.”

It’s plain and clear, Tamlins need for control, in black and white. It’s that control that enabled Feyre to bring him down.

Final thoughts

You may read this article and disagree with my conclusions, and that’s completely fair. I acknowledge that some of his actions were influenced by trauma, fear and his role as High Lord but that excuse only goes so far, when bad behaviour is repeated over and over again.  

Ultimately, wherever you land with how you feel about Tamlin probably depends on which way you frame his behaviour. I get why some readers sympathise with him, due to the trauma endured. For me though, the repeated pattern of intimidation, isolation and control outweighs that sympathy. 

Whether you agree with my interpretation or not, I think the fact we’re still debating Tamlin years after these books were published is a testament to how well Sarah J. Maas wrote him. Few fantasy characters inspire this level of discussion. 

Are you team Tamlin

Interested in exploring more bookish analysis and fandom psychology?
I also wrote about why we tend to forgive certain characters while holding others to different standards.