The Strange Need to Make Tamlin the Victim

It’s 2026, and I’m writing about Tamlin again because I saw a take on TikTok that left me with my jaw on the floor, and the comments were just as concerning. It seems that Tamlin sympathisers have reached new levels of insanity; you can find the original post here for context. Reading through this person’s thoughts really highlighted just how bad some people’s reading comprehension is, did we even read the same books? 

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: 

Trauma can explain why someone behaves the way they do, but it doesn’t remove responsibility for the harm they cause.

What this person has missed is that he doesn’t have to be morally evil for Feyre to leave him. They are arguing a claim that doesn’t need to be made. 

Tamlin’s behaviour is a huge factor in why the Spring Court collapsed. Yes, Feyre played a part, plotted behind his back and planted seeds, but she did not create the fundamental issues in his court; his behaviour started the dominoes falling…Yes, intentions matter, but I didn’t see an ounce of care or protection that justified having one of his Sentries publicly whipped! The issue with this person’s argument is that they continually treat Tamlin’s actions like they only affect him and Feyre…Tamlin is a High Lord – a position of Power and his actions affected an entire Court.

You can’t argue someone’s morality and then flatten their entire character arc to fit some made-up notion to justify your defence. What you can say is, yes, this character is morally questionable, but I still appreciate the character and understand why they behaved in a certain way. You can absolutely believe that he loved Feyre and thought he was protecting her and still acknowledge that the choices he made were harmful and at times catastrophic. 

And as for intent, it doesn’t erase the harm he caused. And saying otherwise takes away from Feyre’s experience. Using just his trauma from under the mountain as an excuse ignores all the examples of his toxic behaviour from ACOTAR. Their relationship didn’t “become toxic”; it already was. I wrote about this back in 2017
Tamlin (ACOTAR): Villain, Victim, or Misunderstood High Lord?

The amount of responsibility that this person is projecting onto Feyre is gross. So because they agreed not to talk about it, it gave him a pass to exact total control over her for his own well-being? Them agreeing not to talk about the events of under the mountain was not Feyre surrendering her rights to freedom.  Yes, we can acknowledge that they were both traumatised, but that doesn’t mean that they were equally responsible for how that trauma manifested in the relationship.

Yes, his reasoning for not having her trained does matter; it matters because he let his own well-being and peace of mind override Feyre’s basic rights and needs. Rhys explains later on that raw magic needs an outlet, or it can drive high fae insane, and there’s no way that Tamlin didn’t know this.  

Feyre getting pregnant so quickly does not belong in this argument; this happened much later and has nothing to do with him.  Tamlin did want a pretty wife who didn’t make a fuss – while Feyre was in the Spring Court, he expected her to sit quietly and look decorative, take part in wedding planning; he wanted her as a compliant consort, rather than creating a space for them to have an equal partnership. That’s the difference between Feyre’s life in the Night Court; there, she has agency and choice. She is Rhysand’s equal. How has this person glossed over this?  Tamlin not making Feyre his high lady tells me that he didn’t see her as equal. The real question is why didn’t he challenge this? Just because something has always been done doesn’t mean it should always be done.

Throughout ACOMAF, Feyre repeatedly tells and shows Tamlin that she is safe and not coming back to the Spring Court. And what does he do? Not respect her wishes. Even when he sees that she is no danger and is looking better, he teams up with Hybern to try and take her back. What was his intent here? 

And while you can argue that it was Ianthe who was responsible for the capturing of her sisters, it was still Tamlin who set this into motion by siding with Hybern and allowing his forces into the Spring Court. His obsession with Feyre blinded him, whether he thought she was mind-controlled by Rhys or not. 

Tamlin showing compassion and making good choices once or twice to help bring back Rhysand or aiding with the rescue of Elain doesn’t erase a history of poor choices. 

This person has spent so much time trying hard to prove that Tamlin isn’t a monster, but in doing so they’ve made Feyre’s suffering the price of defending him. He never needed to be a monster for her to leave. Characters are allowed to be flawed and complicated; it’s what makes them great. What is not complicated, that trauma does not erase, responsibility. A few good deeds don’t take away harm, and Feyre’s suffering shouldn’t become less real just because you sympathise with Tamlin. 

Redemption does not equal absolution.